a year ago

May twenty-seventh, two thousand eleven.

SFO airport... still hours till my flight home,
hours till Him.
torture.
tired after a 13 hour flight from NZ,
i should try to nap.
I woke up, startled from a weird dream-
my name was being called from the terminal speakers.
wait, is this a dream?
"Katrina Ong, please report to your ticketing counter"
no, this is definitely not a dream.
i grab my bags and start speeding walking,
where i am going, i have no idea.


i have a feeling, a slight feeling amidst the chaos,
He is here. somewhere.
i pick up the nearest phone
"uhm... my name was called from the speakers, where am i supposed to go?"
"ma'am, you need to leave the terminal and go to your ticketing counter.
they might have found questionable materials in your luggage"
oh no,
i got it all wrong. He isn't here at all.
racing, racing.

i finally find the counter and before i approach,
i see what i think is a glimpse of a uniform.
then gone.

i wait
in line
wait

i hear Him,
"what are you waiting for?"

HE IS HERE.

we are both stunned, but i manage to hug him.
awkwardly. (we are still new to each other)
words and looks exchanged, people shuffling by with luggage and tickets.
everyone with somewhere to go.

but we stand,
still.

i stand,
he kneels.

in the middle of the San Francisco airport,
i say "yes"

we sit, outside, watching shuttles and car,
celebrating
with a mini bottle of free champagne
and plastic cups

we sit, knowing without saying,
it is perfect.
after all, in an airport we first met,
we said yes,
and in many airports, we will spend many hours to come.

then reality hits,
"wait, how are you getting back home?
are you on my flight back?"

 .....memorial day weekend, flights fully booked for 48 hours.

"sorry ma'am, we can give him a pass so he can say goodbye to you at the gate"

"WHAT?!? i've just spent 4 months away from him,
he flies down here to propose
and you expect me to leave him here for two days?!?!"

(ok, i didn't say that, i just thought it)

at 4:30pm, in rush hour traffic,
we begin our 15 hour drive home in a rental car.

well, darling, let's start off with an adventure.
our life together will be full of them.

One year later,
15 hours means something a little different.
One year later,
we meet the most precious gift from our Father,
our soft, lovely girl

Letta Evangelyn Hanae

Born at three fifty-six in the early evening on May twenty-fifth, two thousand twelve.
Seven pounds, twenty inches. perfect creature.

thirty nine weeks

dear baby,

so close.
so close till i see your pretty eyes and nuzzle your soft neck.

i asked papa,
"what is one thing, i know there are so many, but one thing you are looking forward to about baby?"
after a few minutes of silence,
i continue to finish the dishes,
i hear him,
"baby smell"

we can't wait to smell you, breathe you in.

come when you are ready,
mama

you, me & baby

Nesting. mmmmm. I love the sound of it, the feel of it, the smell of it.
Sounds like crispy twigs being brought to and fro from the beak of a mother bird,
feels like a soft, clean heirloom blanket placed in bassinet,
the smell of the old and new joining together for something special.

Mentally, I've been nesting for my little one since early second trimester.
Physically.... not so much.
I could write a very very long lists of why's and this and that came up and other such excuses
but I will spare you.

Slightly more than a month till She arrives...
enter: emergency nesting mode

Yes, I had good intentions to work for a few solid hours.
Why am I sitting down to write now?

It all started with a bundle of letters.
I innocently dumped a package of letters on the floor to declutter and organize.
Said letters were all from my time away in New Zealand, from so many loved ones.
Thank you for writing to me, you may not realize how much it meant to me.
sifting through, tossing, keeping, tossing, keeping on and on
till... a white unmarked envelope
inside, several letters
love letters

pregnant me spent the next hour sobbing on the closet floor
and i mean, sobbing. streams of snot and all.
reading love letter after love letter
from Him.

and I am amazed
truly, deeply u n d o n e
by the gift,
the favor,
the miracle I have been given.

I, so undeserved, somehow chosen
to breathe, know, love, create with
this man I call Husband

at the time the letters were written, we had only dreams,
wonderings and vignettes
of what 'us' would look like

now, it's everyday.
i live it
every.day.

somedays, I feel a little half empty
"what did we do today?
did we talk about anything??
another movie?
what are we doing....?"

but, today, I read and I know.

Every dream, every notion,
every thought of what this would be like-

it could never add up to even the emptiest of days.
everyday.spent.with.the.one.who.God.gave.me

is a m i r a c l e

i love you micah

twenty to twenty-five

darling girl,
you love to move!
as the weeks and even days pass you seem to get stronger.
i love getting to know you through your movements.
all the late nights that papa had to work, you kept me company...
my little buddy.

last night, for the first time, you were pushing two places at once...
i woke up in the dark of night, my hand was already resting on one of the spots.
you gently nudged me, over and over..
"mama, let's play"
i tried to picture you, sprawled out kicking with a little foot and punching with a little hand
my little gymnast.

mama and papa don't have a name for you yet
but we know
and we pray

He will name you.

love
mama

First Trimester

your papa and i sat on the bedroom floor, pregnancy test upside down till the three minutes had passed. mama was full of butterflies, and then full of smiles when she turned it over...
"you knew..." papa says, smiling that smile of his.
yes, mama knew. papa knew too.
we prayed for you little one. and you came.

we told your grandmas and grandpas by putting a sesame seed in a bowl for dessert.
"this is the size of your grandchild"
you were so little then.

for the first few weeks, you woke mama up early each morning for a snack.
"please, mama, another blueberry bar!"
you were very sweet though and always asked kindly and it didn't last too long.
then you moved onto ketchup... on anything.
your aunty cass bought us a big bag of ketchup chips from Canada. you ate those up quick!

at eleven weeks, we hear your lovely heart beating for the first time.
gentle like breath on a cold morning,
but fierce like tiny horses galloping wildly.

in november, mama starts to show-
you must be growing well, my darling.
in fact, your growing inside of me is so lovely and mysterious-
mama will easily start crying these days.
poor papa found mama crying on the floor in the closet with a bowl of cereal.
"are you okay?" asks papa
"i choked on a bit of cereal" says mama

a few days before Christmas, mama feels you moving and swimming around!
what a gift! i love you my sweet. you and papa are the greatest christmas gift.
i couldn't ask for more.

love
mama

Our Darling

Please, allow me to introduce you to our beautiful baby girl...


I suppose you can say my hiatus from Kubo&Co. was primarily due to the fact that this little angel has been growing inside me. So many changes and wonderful discoveries in the last 20 weeks. I hope to share these things with you shortly.
For now, here is her first photograph.

One year ago today, I awkwardly hugged this baby girl's father for the first time.
Now, I cannot quite remember life before falling asleep beside him each night.
He is my shield. My gift.
And now, here is another gift!
Praise God from whom all blessings flow!
He is the Great Giver and we thank Him and give Him all glory.