thirty nine weeks

dear baby,

so close.
so close till i see your pretty eyes and nuzzle your soft neck.

i asked papa,
"what is one thing, i know there are so many, but one thing you are looking forward to about baby?"
after a few minutes of silence,
i continue to finish the dishes,
i hear him,
"baby smell"

we can't wait to smell you, breathe you in.

come when you are ready,
mama

you, me & baby

Nesting. mmmmm. I love the sound of it, the feel of it, the smell of it.
Sounds like crispy twigs being brought to and fro from the beak of a mother bird,
feels like a soft, clean heirloom blanket placed in bassinet,
the smell of the old and new joining together for something special.

Mentally, I've been nesting for my little one since early second trimester.
Physically.... not so much.
I could write a very very long lists of why's and this and that came up and other such excuses
but I will spare you.

Slightly more than a month till She arrives...
enter: emergency nesting mode

Yes, I had good intentions to work for a few solid hours.
Why am I sitting down to write now?

It all started with a bundle of letters.
I innocently dumped a package of letters on the floor to declutter and organize.
Said letters were all from my time away in New Zealand, from so many loved ones.
Thank you for writing to me, you may not realize how much it meant to me.
sifting through, tossing, keeping, tossing, keeping on and on
till... a white unmarked envelope
inside, several letters
love letters

pregnant me spent the next hour sobbing on the closet floor
and i mean, sobbing. streams of snot and all.
reading love letter after love letter
from Him.

and I am amazed
truly, deeply u n d o n e
by the gift,
the favor,
the miracle I have been given.

I, so undeserved, somehow chosen
to breathe, know, love, create with
this man I call Husband

at the time the letters were written, we had only dreams,
wonderings and vignettes
of what 'us' would look like

now, it's everyday.
i live it
every.day.

somedays, I feel a little half empty
"what did we do today?
did we talk about anything??
another movie?
what are we doing....?"

but, today, I read and I know.

Every dream, every notion,
every thought of what this would be like-

it could never add up to even the emptiest of days.
everyday.spent.with.the.one.who.God.gave.me

is a m i r a c l e

i love you micah

twenty to twenty-five

darling girl,
you love to move!
as the weeks and even days pass you seem to get stronger.
i love getting to know you through your movements.
all the late nights that papa had to work, you kept me company...
my little buddy.

last night, for the first time, you were pushing two places at once...
i woke up in the dark of night, my hand was already resting on one of the spots.
you gently nudged me, over and over..
"mama, let's play"
i tried to picture you, sprawled out kicking with a little foot and punching with a little hand
my little gymnast.

mama and papa don't have a name for you yet
but we know
and we pray

He will name you.

love
mama

Kale & Potato Soup

Yum! I love this soup.
A few months ago, our good friends had us over for dinner and served this delicious soup.
I had never tried kale before and was immediately hooked.
Kale is incredibly nutritious and an excellent source of antioxidant vitamins A, C, and K.
This soup is easy to make, very affordable, fresh and (did i mention) DELICIOUS.

So, here is my first recipe of many to share with you!

Kale and Potato Soup
Adapted from recipe at Passionate Homemaking

What you'll need:

1/2 bacon
1/2 lb chicken Italian sausage or any sausage of your choice
4-6 potatoes, diced
1 onion, chopped
3-4 garlic cloves, minced
6 cups chicken stock (or water added to 4-5 cups stock)
2 cups whole milk, half & half, or cream (I use 1% milk mixed with cream)
5-6 leaves of kale, chopped
salt and pepper, to taste

Before we start, I have a few notes:
- the ingredients in the picture don't exactly match the original recipe I am providing because I cut the recipe in half, which is enough for two with lots of left overs. The original serves 6-8.
- bacon! bacon is a great addition to this soup. this was my first time not using bacon, so it is not pictured but I will give cooking instructions as if it is left in because it's great in this soup.
- sausage- original recipe calls for fresh sausage you can crumble while you cook. tonight, i went with Aidells all-natural smoked chicken sausage, so i just sliced and tossed them in.

Alright, back to cookin'


Cook the bacon however you like to. Cool, chop, set aside for later.
I like to bake mine:
- place bacon strips on a baking sheet lined with tinfoil. bake in non-preheated oven at 400F. take bacon out at desired crispness... 15-20 mins.

Meanwhile, in a large pot, cook onions, sausage, and garlic until sausage is browned. You can use the bacon grease, oil, or like I did tonight, butter (shame on me, i know.. i am out of olive oil)


Add potatoes* and stock and bring to a boil.
*I usually use yukon spuds, but tonight went with red.
Once boiling, reduce heat and simmer for about 20 mins, until the potatoes are tender.


Add bacon, kale and milk. Cook for about 5-10 mins.
Season to taste with salt and pepper (and sometimes I add a little garlic powder)
It may look like a lot of kale at first but it cooks down to look something like this...

Bon Appetit!

First Trimester

your papa and i sat on the bedroom floor, pregnancy test upside down till the three minutes had passed. mama was full of butterflies, and then full of smiles when she turned it over...
"you knew..." papa says, smiling that smile of his.
yes, mama knew. papa knew too.
we prayed for you little one. and you came.

we told your grandmas and grandpas by putting a sesame seed in a bowl for dessert.
"this is the size of your grandchild"
you were so little then.

for the first few weeks, you woke mama up early each morning for a snack.
"please, mama, another blueberry bar!"
you were very sweet though and always asked kindly and it didn't last too long.
then you moved onto ketchup... on anything.
your aunty cass bought us a big bag of ketchup chips from Canada. you ate those up quick!

at eleven weeks, we hear your lovely heart beating for the first time.
gentle like breath on a cold morning,
but fierce like tiny horses galloping wildly.

in november, mama starts to show-
you must be growing well, my darling.
in fact, your growing inside of me is so lovely and mysterious-
mama will easily start crying these days.
poor papa found mama crying on the floor in the closet with a bowl of cereal.
"are you okay?" asks papa
"i choked on a bit of cereal" says mama

a few days before Christmas, mama feels you moving and swimming around!
what a gift! i love you my sweet. you and papa are the greatest christmas gift.
i couldn't ask for more.

love
mama

Our Darling

Please, allow me to introduce you to our beautiful baby girl...


I suppose you can say my hiatus from Kubo&Co. was primarily due to the fact that this little angel has been growing inside me. So many changes and wonderful discoveries in the last 20 weeks. I hope to share these things with you shortly.
For now, here is her first photograph.

One year ago today, I awkwardly hugged this baby girl's father for the first time.
Now, I cannot quite remember life before falling asleep beside him each night.
He is my shield. My gift.
And now, here is another gift!
Praise God from whom all blessings flow!
He is the Great Giver and we thank Him and give Him all glory.

One Month

I felt like I was playing dress-up. Putting on a costume, pretending to be a beautiful bride, pretending like I was getting married.

But when I saw him waiting at the gate, his back towards me, and when he turned around it became

r e a l.

so real, our hands were shaking a little.

Micah and I spent ten days together, starting on January 8th.

He arrived at the Christchurch airport around two o'clock in the morning;

I sat waiting patiently.

it was rainy, dark, wet and humid.

Our first meeting, our first hug.

I unlocked Wendy, my beat up two-door corolla, and we sat

strangers.

"Am I dreaming?" he asked.

I drove.

We arrived at the hostel and all lights were off. bed time.

I knew where our group room was, I knew where Micah's bed was and he did not.

There was no choice. I held his arm and led him through the dark, sleepy room.

strangers all around.

we were strangers too, in a way. but not, in a way.

"goodnight"

Two nights later, we talked marriage. We knew.

Five days later, we marked 'August 20th?' in his diary.

Ten days later, Micah arrived in Washington, drove directly to my parent's home and asked my father for my hand in marriage.

A few months later, Micah wrote to me about our first night meeting:

"you reached for my arm in the dark.

i would have given you my hand.

and

Katrina, had you but asked it of me,

i would have given you my heart

then and there."

Seven months later, we stood, shaking. We knew.